Assertion means standing up for what you want. Stating your needs clearly. It means expressing opposition. It means confrontation and it takes courage. Some find it harder than others because of their natural easy-going style and therefore more practice is required. However, the aim should not be just to gain a win. The aim should be to solve the problem and get the best result. Assertion should not be synonymous with aggression because aggressive people adopt an ‘I win – you lose’ mentality to achieve their objectives.
Assertiveness does not come naturally to all because we have all learned passive behaviours to stave off confrontational situations. However these behaviours can be unlearned and assertive behaviour used to produce results that benefit both parties. Assertiveness training courses and workshops can help delegates increase work effectiveness and productivity, achieve greater control of their daily activities and overcome work stressors.
When you begin to make efforts to act more assertively during negotiations, keeping a diary of situations that arise in which you find that you were not as assertive as you would like to have been, can be very helpful. Try to jot down situations where you would have benefited from acting more assertively.
These situations could be ones when you were shy, overly apologetic, avoided eye-contact, or allowed yourself to be taken advantage of; on the other hand, you might have glared at another person, invaded personal space, talked more loudly than necessary, or maybe you ‘flew off the handle’.
Other signals that we give off when we are not acting assertively include: Fiddling constantly with jewellery, rapid speech, finishing someone else’s sentences, stuttering, hesitation, looking down at the floor. Timing is another indicator: when someone responds spontaneously and sincerely, they are very often responding assertively (although not necessarily); when a person hesitates before answering, they might be responding non-assertively; if a person interrupts another before he/she is finished speaking, that person’s response might be considered aggressive.
EXERCISE
Becoming more assertive – Part 1
Learning to recognise your style of relating can help you to work toward changing your behaviours to become more assertive. Once you have identified and written down a number of ineffective behaviours (non-assertive, aggressive, or passive aggressive) you can replay each situation in your head, and identify all the ineffective behaviours. Sit down, get comfortable, close your eyes, and imagine that you are back in the exact situation. This time you can also see yourself the way others did at that time, and:
- First observe all the ineffective things you may have done, such as those described above. Make a list of these things.
- Second, go back through the situation and this time do it perfectly; you can call the shots, but be realistic. Express yourself assertively: spontaneously with a calm, conversational volume, and with good eye contact.
- A good strategy at this time is to “role-play” the situation with someone else.
Becoming more assertive – Part 2
Work through the following steps:
- Explain the situation to a friend or colleague, briefing him/her about the type of person you will be talking to.
- Use role-play to talk through the situation. Make your points clearly. In this conversation the other person will respond as the appropriate character.
- Ask the other person what you did well, and what you could improve. If it will help, talk through the situation again.
- Now try to put some of your new knowledge into practice. The next time a similar situation arises, or one which you frequently have trouble with, try to ASSERT yourself.
- After you’ve practiced a few situations with the above steps and procedures, evaluate your efforts. Did you effectively express yourself without hurting yourself or others?
Give yourself credit for trying, and don’t be discouraged if it takes you a number of efforts before you feel some sense of success.
Our one-day Assertiveness Skills courses will provide delegates with valuable tips and information including:
- managing difficult people
- assertive behaviour
- improving self confidence
- improving assertiveness
- dealing with aggressive people
- managing conflict
- being firm with members of staff
- dealing with bullying at work
This course will allow delegates to develop confidence and self-esteem so that their opinions will no longer go un-noticed in the workplace. Assertiveness training will provide delegates with effective tactics to build courage and defy work bullies. Those who have attended the courses have expressed that becoming more assertive at work was made easier once they applied the techniques gained from the seminar.
Related information
- Making the best of your job
- How to set goals and achieve them using tactics
- Becoming Assertive in Negotiations
- Rules of Assertiveness
- Handling Very Difficult Customers - Training course and newsletter information
- What type of Leader are you?
- Assertion Self Analysis Test
- Assertiveness
- Neuro Linguistic Programming
- Time Management Training Courses, Training Newsletter - Managing Meetings
- Assertion self-analysis test2
- Assertiveness Training Course: Simple Assertiveness Techniques
- Assertiveness links
- Our top tips to becoming assertive
