assertiveness skills

Training course manuals – for sale

by admin on September 25, 2012

  • Why use a total success training manual?

You will find a training manual is an invaluable resource when it’s part of your job to carry out staff training but you lack the time to develop the necessary materials you need to do it confidently

You will find them essential for the following:

  • Training and coaching one-to-one
  • On-the-job training
  • Classroom training
  • When you need to conduct short seminars but lack the materials to carry this out
  • Refresher training

If you lack the time to develop a fully functional training seminar we produce a range of training materials which will suit your requirements exactly. All our manuals have been written by our own  training experts and we can guarantee that each one will satisfy your training requirements. Every  chapters is full of useful information plus exercises and activities to keep your group active and alert.

The benefits of our training manuals are:

  • They are full of  information you need to keep the group engaged
  • They allow you to train for as little or as long as is necessary
  • They contain written exercises which can be completed after the training
  • They allow you to refresh on previous training
  • They provide a written record of training and development, essential if you need to keep a track record of your training activities

Total Success has been running our courses since 1995 and have trained 1000’s of people via open courses and in-company seminars. We guarantee that the course you buy is the one we train. All manuals are trainer and trainee friendly so you’ll be up and running quickly (depending on your training experience).

If you click on the links below you will be able to download some samples of chapters within our training manuals to allow you to see quality of  our product.

Our manuals are competitively priced at £5.99 and if you click below you will be able to order as many as you need for your training.

Call us 0044 (0)208 269 1177 to discuss your requirements or email us tsuccess@dircon.co.uk

The list of Training Packs we offer are listed below. Click on a title for more information and to book a course pack

Coaching for Managers training course newsletter – Giving effective feedback

by admin on September 21, 2012

“A masterful coach is someone who is a vision builder and value shaper, not just a technician who helps people reach their goals. A masterful coach is someone who engages and enters into the learning system of a person, business or social institution with the intent of improving it so as to impact people’s ability to perform.”

Robert Hargrove ‘The Four Compass Points of Masterful Coaching

The modern manager knows that coaching is a key element of team development. No longer is management about telling people what to do; effective leaders understand how coaching and development is vital to business success.

Our ‘Coaching for Managers’ one-day training course will show delegates tried and tested methods about 1-2-1 training; executive coaching and how to develop people in order to improve productivity and motivation. We explain through discussion, role-play and case study how to coach staff to achieve the impossible in terms of team development and business performance.

It will also show them how to plan, prepare and implement a coaching programme for induction courses and how to evaluate its success. It also looks at the relationship between coaching, mentoring and training.

Becoming an effective coach is not just a set skills, but a belief that staff development is an integral part of building confidence, trust and motivation in the workplace.

The modern manager needs to know how to develop people. This course shows how to plan, prepare and implement coaching and how to evaluate its success. It also looks at the relationship between coaching, mentoring and training.

Giving effective feedback

WHEN AND WHERE SHOULD I GIVE FEEDBACK?

One of the regular difficulties experienced by organisations with formal appraisal systems is that managers have a habit of saving up their feedback for the once a year meeting. A good ground rule if you have appraisal is “NO SURPRISES”. Twelve months is far too long to leave someone in the dark about their performance, whether good bad or indifferent.

A more effective approach is to give continuous feedback throughout the year and supplement the annual interview with a series of short mini appraisals. This will make sure that nothing is missed, will keep the channels of communication open throughout the year and as a result, the final review will be more effective.

Ideally, the more immediate the feedback, the better it will be. By giving feedback as soon as possible after the event or during the progress of the work, the better both manager and job holder will be able to recall the performance and the circumstances and the more concrete will be the information on which to build.

Five key steps when giving feedback:

  1. Be specific whether you are criticising or praising. Detailed information is more likely to reinforce what happened rather than vague or woolly statements
  2.  Describe actual behaviour, not the individual, their personality or attitudes. Focus on what they actually said or did and avoid your own personal idiosyncrasies in judging performance
  3.  Concentrate on areas that they can do something about. It is frustrating to be reminded of something over which one has no control
  4.  Be selective. Give as much information as they can use. Too many examples or points will dilute the praise and could lead to complacency or defensiveness
  5.  Be forward looking. Constructive comments that offer alternatives on what could be done differently in the future

QUESTIONING TECHNIQUES TO USE WHEN GIVING FEEDBACK

The aim of using questions when giving feedback is to gain information and opinions from the trainee and to impart the same. The trainer will need to use open and probing questions and should avoid closed questions (questions that can be answered with a straight ‘yes’ or ‘no’) unless necessary.

Open questions cannot be answered with a ‘yes’/'no’ response. Request specific details, example:

 “Overall how do you feel you’ve performed on the task?”

“What can we do to improve the result?”

“What do you see as your main achievement?”

“What would you do differently to improve the result?”

“What is your understanding of ………..?”

“Tell me more about why you felt that part worked well?”

“Why do you feel that you performed less well in this area?”

“How do you feel you have performed on the ……… compared to………?”

“Tell me how you got on with …………?”

Coaching For Managers Open Courses

Since 1995 we have run open courses throughout the year. Our courses are informative, challenging, thought-provoking and fun.

Dates

  • June 21, 2013
  • July 19, 2013
  • August 16, 2013
  • September 17, 2013
  • October 15, 2013
  • November 14, 2013
  • December 13, 2013

Who will benefit from the course?

Our coaching training seminars enable delegates to understand the processes which will make them more effective and increase their confidence and sense of achievement. This will benefit anyone who needs to master the principles and practices of an effective coach; including senior/junior managers, supervisors, training/hr managers, directors, administrative and technical staff.

This course had been designed to enable you to understand the basic fundamentals of strategy and motivation in team building. You will benefit by learning tips and techniques which will increase your competence and confidence when managing, influencing and leading teams.

Course aims

Total Success recognise the need for training that gives real business benefits for both delegates and their organisations. We are able to offer solutions, not only to individual trainees but also to training professionals who need to show value for money for their training.

Coaching for Managers Course Agenda

Morning – 9.30-1.00

  • An introduction to coaching
  • Relationship of coaching, training and managing
  • Coaching overview of coaching
  • Spotting coaching and mentoring opportunities
  • Questionnaire-Coaching style analysis
  • Coaching overview
  • Recognise the need/challenge
  • Assess the opportunities

Afternoon – 2.00-5.30

  • Empowerment and influence
  • Identifying fall-back factors
  • Review and evaluate
  • Planning the next step
  • One to one training
  • Giving and receiving feedback
  • Role-play and critique
  • Coaching evaluation

Our training is carried out in a risk free environment which encourages delegates to practice the skills needed for successful appraisals. We use a number of training methods including role-play, video, audio, workshops and group exercises to enhance the learning process.

Why choose Total Success for your training?

  • our lead trainers have over 18 years experience in training
  • a maximum of 8 delegates means more time spent on individual needs
  • we guarantee to run the course and will never cancel at the last moment
  • free subscription to our monthly training newsletter

All open courses are trained in Central London at the St Giles Hotel.

Each delegate receives a comprehensive training workbook that doubles as an open course manual. Courses run from 9.30-5.30 with lunch and refreshments provided.

In-Company Courses

Total Success have developed a series of in-house training modules. These are designed so that an organisation can pick the training which is more applicable to its own needs and budget. Please call us to discuss your specific requirements

Leadership Training Newsletter – Making the best of your job

by admin on February 14, 2012

Our Leadership and Teambuilding training courses are designed to improve leadership skills and allow our delegates to be able to lead successful and high performing teams. Our team building workshops are packed full of useful teamwork training exercises, tips and techniques that new and experienced managers will find essential in showing how to lead effectively and will put them on the steady route of becoming successful managers and team leaders. Delegates who have taken our Leadership and Teambuilding courses have now gone on to lead highly productive teams and improving productivity by becoming better managers, motivators, delegators and leaders.

Leadership and team building is a training course that is both challenging and practical. We aim to teach the fundamental ‘people management skills‘ in a positive and constructive environment. It has been designed to enable delegates to understand the basic fundamentals of strategy and motivation in team building. You will benefit by learning tips and techniques that will increase your competence and confidence when managing, influencing and leading teams and individuals.

Making the best of your job

Referenced from an article from CareerBuilder.co.uk and Caterer.com

In a recent survey asked workers in the UK if they were happy, dedicated and enthusiastic about their jobs.The results show the various job sectors and the percentages are shown below.

1) Hospitality – 49.16%

2) Health Sector – 48.89%

3) Charity – 34.06%

4) Education – 30.88%

5) Care/Social work – 29.92%

5) Forces/Police – 28.57%

6) Skilled (designer/electrician) – 20.43%

7) Sales (phone/door2door) – 16.98%

8 ) Labour – 11.00%

9) Office-based – 10.01%

10) Retail – 7.17%

You may feel the results surprising when you subtract some of these percentages from 100% but it shows that a large number of people are happy with their lot. So what if you are in the ‘not so happy and enthusiastic’ group.

Let’s be honest – what if you really hate your job? What can you do? How many of us have the luxury to just get up and leave your job without having another lined up? Especially in these times of economic austerity, one of the worst things you could do is leave a job and find it impossible to find another one.

You do have choices, however. Having a job you hate is never an easy thing to deal with, but sometimes you just need to do is take a good hard luck at your options and decide to make the most of the job you have. Whether you’re currently stuck because you just have to pay the bills or are holding out for the next great opportunity, here are some ways to get through the day:

Develop your skills.

Not liking your job doesn’t mean you can’t learn new skills. Use your time to make yourself a better candidate down the road. If your company offers training courses, take advantage of them. Use downtime to learn something new on your computer. Pick up a management development book and read it at lunch. Turn this job into an opportunity for self-improvement.

Blow off some steam.

Most people have an activity that helps them unwind and get rid of tension. Go for a run after work, go swimming on your lunch hour, or take a nice long walk. Put this activity on your schedule so you will have something to look forward to every day.

Maintain your performance.

It is important to continue to do your work and do it well, regardless of your current situation. Set personal performance goals. Then use the accomplishments in future interviews.

Do one thing each day to help you reach your goals.

You don’t need to cross all your goals off your list every day, but you can chip away daily. When you get up in the morning, set a daily objective for yourself and make sure you achieve it. This will give you a sense of accomplishment and keep you feeling good about your progress.

Develop a positive morning ritual.

Going into a job you hate will be worse if you get to the office feeling rushed, stressed and frazzled. Set aside some moments of solitude each morning. Treat yourself to a latte, get up early enough to read the paper, or just set your alarm to play upbeat music when you wake up. Improving your mornings can do wonders for the rest of your day.

Create a diversion for yourself in the office.

Does being in your office make you yearn for the outdoors? Are the incessant ringing phones driving you batty? Do something to brighten your mood while you’re at work. Take in a tropical picture and use it as your screensaver. Buy yourself a “joke of the day” desk calendar. Plug headphones into your computer or bring your iPod to work. Go out for lunch.

Treat yourself.

To make up for your office misery, find little ways of treating yourself. Buy a good book to read. Treat yourself to ice cream. Buy some flowers. Shop for a new interview suit. Plan your next vacation. Find out what makes you feel better inside, no matter what is going on outside.

Keep your bridges intact.

It really is a small world, and you never know when you will run into co-workers from your past. Don’t burn any bridges at your company because you are unhappy. Maintain your contacts and keep your relationships positive. You might just need a reference or a good word from one of your colleagues in the future.

Set weekly goals for yourself.

Sometimes it is easier to make it to 5.00pm  when you can keep your eye on your goals. Even if you hate your job now, there is something out there that will make you happy. Set weekly goals to help you find that golden opportunity. One week you might strive to send out five CVs or attend one networking event. Setting these goals will give you something to work toward.

Realise that this too shall pass.

Right now, it might seem like you will be stuck in this job forever. Keep your chin up and remind yourself that you are in charge of your destiny. Search internal postings for new positions. Start your search for a new job externally.

How to set goals and achieve them using tactics

by admin on February 14, 2012

One of the key challenges with setting goals is the need to set “our goals” – goals that reflect our true values. Only when we are following a path that conforms to our true values – personally or collectively – can we be at our most effective.

However, many of us have yet to fully explore our true values, which should be the first exercise in any campaign: what do we really need to achieve?

This requires us to write our own personal charter – a founding document or mission statement that, like a political manifesto, sets out what we stand for. Our charter is important because, from here, we can indulge ourselves in the second major goal-setting exercise: Visualisation. We should pick a distant timeline and imagine ourselves at that point. This can work for teams as much as individuals, although each member needs to be fully onboard with the future goal.

We need to write all of our goals down using positive language. Positive language is easier to visualise and much easier to communicate to others. With our true goals set we now have a strong path ahead, giving us focus and good judgement Yet we now need to execute our goals, and this requires a strategy. Many people struggle with the concept of a strategy, mixing it up with either objectives or tactics. In reality, it is no more than the bridge between the objectives and the tactics – making sure the individual tactics are co-ordinated and aimed at meeting the objectives.

Some thoughts on tactics:

  1. Tactics are mostly action points – contact this person, write this letter, make that phone call, get that meeting. But they can also be developmental: develop this skill, acquire that knowledge etc.
  2. Tactics can be tiny steps or giant leaps. Giant leaps are rare, however, and can often move you to the wrong place. In fact, where possible, giant leaps should be converted into a series of tiny steps that produce a series of small victories. Giant leaps based purely on bravado are pointless, potentially-wasteful and should be avoided.
  3. Don’t execute tactics on too many fronts. Concentrate energies in one place in order to gain small victories. And then move on
  4. Work out the cost (in every respect) of each tactic beforehand and be prepared to pay it. Balking at the cost halfway through is the quickest way to derail an entire campaign
  5. Don’t start a tactic without a clear idea of its outcome, and focus purely on that outcome – most alternative outcomes will, in reality, be setbacks
  6. But be flexible. You may have to change tactics quickly when outcomes do not go as planned.

Finally, remember to keep the objectives, the strategy and the tactics separate. If a tactic doesn’t work, abandon it but don’t change the strategy. Only after repeated tactical failures should the strategy be questioned. And only after repeated strategic failures should we reassess our objectives.

*This article was a reference from an original article in Training Zone

Assertiveness Skills Podcasts

by admin on October 26, 2011

In addition to our assertiveness training courses we have also produced a series of appraisal skills podcasts which allow you to discover first hand how effective our training is. These podcasts are short snippets taken from actual training courses where our trainers discuss topics, tips, techniques and strategies with our course delegates and give you the listener, a real insight into the world of assertiveness.

read more »

Assertiveness Skills training courses Assertiveness Skills Rules of Assertiveness

by admin on September 29, 2011

Assertion means standing up for what you want. Stating your needs clearly. It means expressing opposition. It means confrontation and it takes courage. Some find it harder than others because of their natural easy-going style and therefore more practice is required. However, the aim should not be just to gain a win. The aim should be to solve the problem and get the best result. Assertion should not be synonymous with aggression because aggressive people adopt an ‘I win – you lose’ mentality to achieve their objectives.

Assertiveness does not come naturally to all because we have all learned passive behaviours to stave off confrontational situations. However these behaviours can be unlearned and assertive behaviour used to produce results that benefit both parties. Assertiveness training courses and workshops can help delegates increase work effectiveness and productivity, achieve greater control of their daily activities and overcome work stressors.

STAGES OF ASSERTIVENESS FOR LEADERS

There are many ways in which we can be assertive. Let’s look at how some of these are used and how we need to use an escalation or a combination of techniques to become more assertive.

  1.  Issuing instructions – Asking for what we need
  2.  Giving reasons for what we want
  3.  State consequences of actions
  4.  Negotiate gently giving options or alternatives
  5.  Restate your point of view (increase consequences)
  6.  Increase the consequences further

1. Issuing instructions – Asking for what we need

The first rule in assertive language is to be able to state our case/make our point of view. This is best realised when we use positive language, e.g. asking for what we want and need (as opposed to stating what we don’t want).

“I will need this from you…..”
“You need to get it to me by Thursday”
“I need you to repeat this using single line spacing. Thanks”
“I can’t do it now but I’d be happy to do it tomorrow”

2. Giving reasons for what we want

Reasons allow the other party to understand the criteria and why you need something done. This can also be used when you’re explaining why something is a problem. People are more likely to comply when they understand ‘why’ you need something. Reasons given prior to a request or statement allow the other party to process your needs as ‘reasonable’

“I’ve a client meeting tomorrow so I’ll need it proofed today. Thanks”
“We couldn’t process that by 5pm so I’ll do it first thing tomorrow”

3. State consequences of actions

Consequences allow the other party to understand the positive (or negative) results of your objectives. Understanding the value of consequences will allow you to become more effective. Our behaviour and the decisions we make are ‘consequence based’, e.g. we decide to confront a colleague’s continual lateness because it’s affecting the time you can leave to go home. In difficult situations ask yourself ‘what will be the consequences if I take no action’ – this can make the decision stronger and allow you to take action. Remember, we are reluctant to change our behaviour unless we are given the opportunity to choose between the consequences of our current actions and the consequences of different actions. The saying ‘the person with the better consequences will persuade the other person’ is very true in assertive situations.

“I’ll be able to help you out next time if you do this for me”
“We won’t process your expenses if we don’t get all the receipts next time”
“I won’t be able to help you unless you give me the full details”

4. Negotiate gently giving options or alternatives

If you meet with resistance you may need to offer options or suggestions as a way forward, or alternatives that may appeal to the other party. It is best if the conversation is conducted in a positive way, as the other party may treat hostility at this stage as a threat and be triggered into aggressive behaviours.

“What we could do in this situation is the following………”
“I’d be willing to look at it further if you were to give me access to the records”

5. Restate your point of view (increase consequences)

If you meet further resistance you may decide to reaffirm your objectives whilst increasing the consequences to the other party. At this stage, more punitive consequences can be introduced to the argument, i.e. threats or sanctions. If you have progressed to this stage it is important to remember that you must be willing and able to carry out your stated consequences if you wish to be successful otherwise you may run the risk of being ignored or challenged in the future.

6. Increase the consequences further

As a last resort you must state clearly what will happen if the other party does not do as you say. Care must be taken in not stating consequences which you are unwilling or unable to carry out.

“After this time I’ll not be able to help you out anymore as you didn’t send me the information”
“We won’t process your expenses this time unless you include the receipts”
“I won’t continue with this conversation you unless you give me the full details”

Our one-day Assertiveness Skills courses will provide delegates with valuable tips and information including:

This course will allow delegates to develop confidence and self-esteem so that their opinions will no longer go un-noticed in the workplace. Assertiveness training will provide delegates with effective tactics to build courage and defy work bullies. Those who have attended the courses have expressed that becoming more assertive at work was made easier once they applied the techniques gained from the seminar.

 Related information

Handling Very Difficult Customers – Training course and newsletter information

by admin on September 29, 2011

Our dealing with difficult people courses are one of our popular courses as it effectively demonstrates how to neutralise problem situations in the workplace. It covers a wide range of scenarios that occur in the workplace such as; working with aggressive people, disagreeing with others, handling bullies at work, dealing with ignorant people at work and working with unreasonable people. This course will cover mediation and will show delegates how valuable managing and mediating conflict is when managing or handling difficult staff/employee(s). The dealing with difficult people at work course also provides useful information for working with a difficult boss/manager and guidance on how to deal with bullying in the workplace.

Top tips for handling all difficult customers

  1. Remain calm yourself
  2. Don’t take it personally
  3. Ask relevant questions
  4. Give reasons for all actions/requests
  5. Listen closely to understand the problem
  6. Agree what the problem is without blaming the customer
  7. Restate content or feeling
  8. Propose an action plan/suggest options and then do it!
  9. Remain courteous
  10. Show in your voice that you care

What to do with an angry customer – your fault

  1. Listen – so you will understand the problem or concern
  2. Relate – apologise in a general way or in a broad sense
  3. Propose an Action Plan/Suggest Options – this will help to solve the problem

Examples: How to Relate

“Mrs Smiley, I understand how you must feel.”
“I’m sorry about the confusion.”
“Mr. Welch, I don’t blame you for being upset. Let’s see if we can correct the problem.”

Note that in the above examples, the apology is very general. You can always apologise for the situation or the confusion etc. without admitting that you or your company were wrong. Most customers will find the general apology acceptable.

When the customer has a legitimate complaint sometimes it’s best to relate by agreeing:

“Mrs. Johnson, you’re right. You were promised a call-back yesterday and we didn’t call. Let’s start again and get this problem solved.”
“I’m sorry Mr. Valdez I promised you delivery by yesterday and didn’t make it. This time I promise we’ll get it right.”

When a customer complains, offer your concern that they are upset, but do not take aggressive or hostile comments personally. Often an angry caller will display a lot of emotion. When this happens, do your best to remain calm and avoid getting caught up in the emotion.

Once you have done this, listen closely, relate and then offer an action plan. Make sure your action plan is one you can deliver. The action plan should be clear and concise.

“I’ll check with accounting and call you back with an answer before 4:00 o’clock today.”
“Let’s do this. I’ll call the technician and find out what time you can expect her and then I’ll call you. Will that be all right?”

What to do when the client won’t listen to you?

  • Explain the consequences of their current behaviour “it’s going to take us a lot longer tosort this out if you don’t give me your account details”
  •  Give them better options than the ones they are suggesting “if you let me speak to themI’ll be able to sort this out much quicker than you”
  •  Explain that your inability to act is not a ploy and it would be easier for you to “grant themtheir request but you are caught in the middle”
  •  Tell them you understand their frustration and that you would feel exactly the same
  •  Explain that “if you had the power to give them what they wanted you would do it”
  •  Give them a choice of behaviours if they become aggressive

“If it were up to me Mr Jones I would issue you the ticket now as the last thing I wish now is to be shouted at by an angry customer. Unfortunately there is absolutely nothing I can physically do now to update the booking. The system will update itself by 4pm and I’ve put in a request for this. The only thing I can promise you now is a call back at 4pm to let you know what is happening then.”

“I’m finding it difficult to concentrate if you keep shouting at me. I’ll sort this out but I must ask you to help me by staying calm and giving me the reference number. If you choose not to I’ve got no choice but to terminate this call. Now, what would you like me to do?”

What to do when dealing with an abusive customer

  • Show understanding to the problem
  • Let the customer know that their language will not help the situation
  • Relate to them personally
  • Say something like, “I know this is a problem for you but I can only help if you will let me” (an empathetic assertion)
  • Encourage the talker to talk out feelings of aggression (the longer the customer talks the less aggressive they will become)
  • If you cannot calm the individual, arrange for a break (e.g. tell them you will ring back or
  • that you are going to fetch a document; look up a reference number etc).

What to do with a non responsive customer

  • Map out the call i.e. let the customer aware of what you’re going to do during the call or
  • what will happen after you have finished speaking. This puts customers more at ease
  • as they can see what will happen next.
  • Ask open questions
  • Respond favourably to their answers
  • Ask closed questions frequently to see if the customer is still with you

What to do with an emotional customer

  • Ask questions to uncover the reality of the situation
  • Show understanding and sympathy, if appropriate
  • Avoid getting caught up in their emotion
  • Restate the cause; the problem as the customer sees it and the feelings associated
  • with the problem
  • Let them know you agree with their right to have such feelings “you’re right to be upset
  • about this”
  • Ask ‘How’ questions to get the person to a problem solving mode
  • Move to ‘Action plan’ as soon as you can
  • Try to manage the result – not the emotion

What to do with a confused customer

  • Slow down
  • Show empathy
  • Know your systems and find ways of describing your forms and procedures that are
  • simple but non-patronising
  • Encourage the customer at each stage with a simple ‘thank you’

What to do with a verbally demanding customer

  • Recognise that the customer is very stressed/distressed and this is causing the
  • aggression
  • Raise your assertiveness level to show the customer that you are not intimidated but
  • don’t match their aggression level
  • Explain that their language will not help them or their situation by outlining the
  • consequences
  • Show willingness to solve the problem both verbally and vocally
  • Reframe the context of the language
  • Give them options
  • Show understanding to the problem
  • Relate to them personally

What to do when the customer demands to speak ‘to your boss’

  • Explain that you would be willing to help them if they could give you more information
  • Ask open questions to uncover the problem
  • What to do with an obstructive customer
  • Ask questions to find out the root of the problem
  • Summarise the problem as the customer sees it
  • Show understanding
  • Ask if you both could start again
  • Show willingness to solve the problem

What to do with a customer who you believe has behavioural problems

  • Recognise their pattern of behaviour early and break the cycle
  • Be clear and explain clearly what you wish them to do (or stop doing)
  • Set standards of behaviour and be assertive in your delivery
  • Show understanding not sympathy

Delegates who attend our Dealing With Difficult People training courses will:

Other related courses include assertiveness skills, mediation skills, negotiation skills and communication skills for managers. Click here if you need more information regarding Dealing With Difficult People training courses or contact Total Success who will be delighted to talk to you via e-mail.

Assertiveness Skills training courses: Assertion Self Analaysis

by admin on September 26, 2011

Assertiveness is one of the essential skills in the modern working environment. There are many benefits of being assertive such as; better time management, increased self esteem and the ability to negotiate more effectively. Assertion means standing up for what you want. It means expressing opposition. It means confrontation. It takes courage. Some find it harder than others because of their natural easy-going style and therefore more practice is required. However, the aim should not be just to gain a win. The aim should be to solve the problem and get the best result.

Assertion means standing up for what you want. Stating your needs clearly. It means expressing opposition. It means confrontation and it takes courage. Some find it harder than others because of their natural easy-going style and therefore more practice is required. However, the aim should not be just to gain a win. The aim should be to solve the problem and get the best result. Assertion should not be synonymous with aggression because aggressive people adopt an ‘I win – you lose’ mentality to achieve their objectives.

Assertiveness does not come naturally to all because we have all learned passive behaviours to stave off confrontational situations. However these behaviours can be unlearned and assertive behaviour used to produce results that benefit both parties. Assertiveness training courses and workshops can help delegates increase work effectiveness and productivity, achieve greater control of their daily activities and overcome work stressors.

ASSERTION SELF ANALYSIS TEST

To test your assertiveness there are some typical situations below. Be completely honest with yourself and write down how you would naturally react in each situation.

On a piece of paper, number from 1 to 6. Write your choice a, b, or c after each number.

————————————————————————

1.    You are in a restaurant and order a steak medium-rare, but it is served to you well-done.
You would:

  1. Accept it without comment because you sometimes like it well-done anyway.
  2. Angrily refuse the steak and insist on seeing the manager to complain about the poor service.
  3. Call the waiter and indicate you ordered your steak medium-rare and would like another steak cooked to your requirements.

————————————————————————

2.     You are a customer waiting in queue to be served in your busy lunch hour. Suddenly, a frail old lady steps in line ahead of you and claims that  she is in a hurry.
You would:

  1. Let her stay in front of you since she is already in line and it would be rude to speak out.
  2. Pull her out of line and, in a loud and angry manner make her go to the back.
  3. Calmly indicate to her that you are also in a hurry and have queued, then point out where it begins.

————————————————————————

3.     After walking out of a store where you purchased some items you discover you were short-changed by £3.
You would:

  1. Let it go since you are already out of the store and have no proof you were short-changed. After all it’s only £3.
  2. Go to the manager and argue that you were cheated by the assistant, then demand the proper change.
  3. Return to the clerk and inform him/her of the error.

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4.     You are in a group discussion at work which includes your boss. A colleague asks you a question about your work, but you don’t know the answer.
You would:

  1. Give your colleague a false, but plausible answer so your boss will think you are on top of things.
  2. Do not answer, but attack your colleague by asking a question you know he/she could not answer.
  3. Indicate to your colleague you are unsure just now, but offer to give him/her the information later.

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5.    You are in the middle of watching your favourite television program when your partner comes in and asks you for a non urgent favour which could mean missing the rest of the show.
You would:

  1. Do the favour as quickly as possible, then return to the program to finish watching what is left of it.
  2. Say “No way, I’m not missing this. You should have asked me earlier.” then finish watching your program.
  3. Ask if it can wait until the program is over and, if so, do it then.

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6. A friend drops into your office to say hello and catch up on the latest office gossip, but is staying too long, preventing you from finishing an important project. Your friend is unaware that he is interrupting your work.
You would:

  1. Let him stay because you don’t want to upset him. Then you would finish your work at home that evening.
  2. Tell the person to stop bothering you and to get out.
  3. Explain your need to finish your work and request he/she visit another time.

SCORE INTERPRETATION KEY

In general, there are three broad styles of interpersonal behaviour. These are: a) Passive, b) Aggressive, and c) Assertive.

The “a” choices in the quiz are representative of the Passive style. Thus, the more “a” choices you made, the more passive you are.

a) The Passive style of interpersonal behaviour is characterised by inaction and indecision. People using this style tend to be easy to get along with and pleasant, but unwilling to stand up for their rights, for fear of offending others. They are very uncomfortable expressing anger and usually deny or suppress this feeling should it occur. As a result, resentment can easily build under the surface producing stress and tension.

The “b” choices in the quiz are representative of the Aggressive style. Thus, the more “b” choices you made, the more aggressive you are.

b) The Aggressive style is characterised by intrusiveness. People who use this style tend to go after what they want, but are unconcerned about how this will effect others. Their angry, dominating manner tends to alienate people who, in time, may seek to oppose them. Aggressive individuals are usually suspicious of others and are often on the look out for infractions or violations of their rights. Thus, the Aggressive style produces stress and prohibits the development of close, trusting, and caring interpersonal relationships.

The “c” choices in the quiz are representative of the Assertive style. Thus, the more “c” choices you made, the more assertive you are.

c) The Assertive style is characterised by both fairness and strength. Assertive individuals are able to stand up for their rights, but remain sensitive to the rights of others. People who choose this style are usually relaxed and easy going, but are honest about their feelings. This is the best style for minimising stress and maintaining long-standing intimate relationships.

Look at the “c” answers again. If you move your everyday behaviour closer to the “c” style of response, you will likely experience an increase in feelings of self-esteem and a decrease in feelings of stress.

Our one-day Assertiveness Skills courses will provide delegates with valuable tips and information including:

This course will allow delegates to develop confidence and self-esteem so that their opinions will no longer go un-noticed in the workplace. Assertiveness training will provide delegates with effective tactics to build courage and defy work bullies. Those who have attended the courses have expressed that becoming more assertive at work was made easier once they applied the techniques gained from the seminar.

 Related information

Assertiveness Skills and Managing Conflict: Simple Assertiveness Techniques

by admin on September 26, 2011

Assertion means standing up for what you want. Stating your needs clearly. It means expressing opposition. It means confrontation and it takes courage. Some find it harder than others because of their natural easy-going style and therefore more practice is required. However, the aim should not be just to gain a win. The aim should be to solve the problem and get the best result. Assertion should not be synonymous with aggression because aggressive people adopt an ‘I win – you lose’ mentality to achieve their objectives.

Assertiveness does not come naturally to all because we have all learned passive behaviours to stave off confrontational situations. However these behaviours can be unlearned and assertive behaviour used to produce results that benefit both parties. Assertiveness training courses and workshops can help delegates increase work effectiveness and productivity, achieve greater control of their daily activities and overcome work stressors.

Simple Assertiveness Techniques

There are many techniques to develop assertive behaviour. Most are based on ‘the three-line assertion message’, in which:

  1. you understand and summarise the facts of the situation
  2. you indicate your feelings towards the situation
  3. you state your requirements, reasons and benefits to the other party, if appropriate.

Assertion normally comprises this three line assertive message. This technique enables you to confront the other person with your concern without being personally aggressive, but it is not easy and demands skilful conversation control. For example, you might say:

  1. “When you.………….” (state facts)
  2. “I feel uncomfortable …..…..” (state feelings)
  3. “I would like……….(state requirements)………….in this way we will be able to work together more productively because……………..” (benefits to the other party)

Here the person relates the behaviour that causes offence, says how he/she feels and then gives a reason. Note there are no such attributions as ‘You are deliberately annoying me’, there are no swear words, there are no put-downs of the other person. The emphasis is on indicating how you feel and thereby seeking to gain a positive rather than an aggressive response from the other person.

Here are some more guidelines for assertive delivery

  • Acknowledge and be honest about your own feelings to yourself
  • Adopt new positive inner dialogue for situations where you need to be more assertive
  • Be clear, specific and direct in what you say
  • If necessary, keep repeating your message if you encounter objections
  • If necessary ask for clarification if you are uncertain about something
  • If necessary, acknowledge diversion tactics, then again repeat your message
  • Adopt appropriate body language to back up your assertion
  • Keep calm and stick to the point
  • Always respect the rights of the other person

And always ask yourself these questions

  • How can I express my message more clearly?
  • How can I be more specific about what I have to say?
  • Am I likely to have to repeat my message? Will I feel comfortable doing this?
  • Am I prepared to respond to their red herrings, and at the same time stick to my message?
  • What body language will I use to back up my message?

How to give praise and criticism

  1. Comment on specific actions. For example, ‘You handled that awkward customer very well by listening to her argument instead of interrupting’ rather than, ‘You’re quite good with difficult people, aren’t you?’ The second comment was too general, it didn’t give the other person specific feedback about what she/he did well. Another example is ‘You missed the deadline for that report’, rather than, ‘You’re absolutely hopeless at managing your time.’ Again the second statement is too general and subjective. ‘Absolutely hopeless’ is not a good starting point for developing specific time management behaviours.
  2. Follow this up with reasons for your comments. This is helpful whether the comments are positive or negative because we need to know what we are being praised for if we are to know how to use it as helpful feedback: ‘You missed the deadline for that report, probably because you have been spending more time on telephone sales than we planned. Perhaps we should discuss how you should allocate your time in future?’
  3. Don’t use praise as a way of manipulating people into doing something for you, e. g. ‘You are the most hardworking member of the department and I really appreciate the effort you put in for the meeting this afternoon. Perhaps you could just write up the minutes for me?‘ This manipulation makes the praise insincere.
  4. When giving criticism, seek solutions, rather than commenting on somebody’s personality. ‘You’re getting far too many complaints from members of the public recently. What the heck’s the matter with you?‘ is very unhelpful. Instead say: ‘You seem to be getting complaints from members of the public in your section at the moment. Do you know what the problem is?’
  5. Above all, avoid public put-downs, or criticism in situations which will cause embarrassment.

Practice your assertiveness

Consider typical situations at work which require assertive behaviour and practise your approach. Typical situations might include:

  • giving criticism to a close colleague
  • having to refuse to accept additional work
  • asking help from a notoriously ‘difficult’ colleague.

Work through the following steps.

  1. Explain the situation to a friend or colleague, briefing him/her about whoever you will be talking to.
  2. Use role-play to talk through the situation. Make your points clearly. In this conversation the other person will respond as the appropriate character.
  3. Ask the other person what you did well, and what you could improve. If it will help, talk through the situation again.
  4. Finally, swap roles – this will give you the opportunity of picking up other ideas from the other person. At the same time you will experience the other side of the assertive approach.

Our one-day Assertiveness Skills courses will provide delegates with valuable tips and information including:

This course will allow delegates to develop confidence and self-esteem so that their opinions will no longer go un-noticed in the workplace. Assertiveness training will provide delegates with effective tactics to build courage and defy work bullies. Those who have attended the courses have expressed that becoming more assertive at work was made easier once they applied the techniques gained from the seminar.

 Related information

Neuro Linguistic Programming

by admin on August 1, 2011

NLP or Nuero Linguistic Programming is a topic we use on many of our courses such as stress management, conflict management, people management and our popular new manager programme. Don’t be put off by the title if it sounds too theoretical or confusing, we all use elements of it in our lives to put meaning to everyday behaviours and actions.

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