STAGES OF ASSERTIVENESS FOR LEADERS
There are many ways in
which we can be assertive. Let’s look at how some of these are used and
how we need to use an escalation or a combination of techniques to
become more assertive.
1. Issuing
instructions - Asking for what we need
2. Giving reasons
for what we want
3. State
consequences of actions
4. Negotiate gently
giving options or alternatives
5. Restate your
point of view (increase consequences)
6. Increase the
consequences further
1. Issuing instructions
- Asking for what we need
The first rule in
assertive language is to be able to state our case/make our point of
view. This is best realised when we use positive language, e.g. asking
for what we want and need (as opposed to stating what we don’t want).
“I will need this from
you…..”
“You need to get it to
me by Thursday”
“I need you to repeat
this using single line spacing. Thanks”
“I can’t do it now but
I’d be happy to do it tomorrow”
2. Giving reasons for
what we want
Reasons allow the other
party to understand the criteria and why you need something
done. This can also be used when you’re explaining why something is a
problem. People are more likely to comply when they understand ‘why’
you need something. Reasons given prior to a request or statement
allow the other party to process your needs as ‘reasonable’
“I’ve a client meeting
tomorrow so I’ll need it proofed today. Thanks”
“We couldn’t process
that by 5pm so I’ll do it first thing tomorrow”
3. State consequences of
actions
“I’ll be able to help
you out next time if you do this for me”
“We won’t process your
expenses if we don’t get all the receipts next time”
“I won’t be able to help
you unless you give me the full details”
4. Negotiate gently
giving options or alternatives
If you meet with
resistance you may need to offer options or suggestions as a way
forward, or alternatives that may appeal to the other party. It is best
if the conversation is conducted in a positive way, as the other party
may treat hostility at this stage as a threat and be triggered into
aggressive behaviours.
“What we could do in
this situation is the following………”
“I’d be willing to look
at it further if you were to give me access to the records”
5. Restate your point of
view (increase consequences)
If you meet further
resistance you may decide to reaffirm your objectives whilst increasing
the consequences to the other party. At this stage, more punitive
consequences can be introduced to the argument, i.e. threats or
sanctions. If you have progressed to this stage it is important to
remember that you must be willing and able to carry out your stated
consequences if you wish to be successful otherwise you may run the risk
of being ignored or challenged in the future.
6. Increase the
consequences further
As a last resort you
must state clearly what will happen if the other party does not do as
you say. Care must be taken in not stating consequences which you are
unwilling or unable to carry out.
“After this time I’ll
not be able to help you out anymore as you didn’t send me the
information”
“We won’t process your
expenses this time unless you include the receipts”
“I won’t continue with
this conversation you unless you give me the full details”
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